What do you actually control?

It’s very little!

There are three things we control

1. What you think

2. What you do or don’t do

3. How you react to your emotions.

Here’s an expanded exploration of the three things you control—what you think, what you do or don’t do, and how you react to your emotions. These concepts are rooted in personal agency and self-awareness, offering a framework for empowerment and growth. I’ll break each one down with depth and nuance to help you reflect on their meaning and application.

1. What You Think
   Your thoughts are the inner narrative that shapes your reality. While they often feel automatic or influenced by external circumstances, you hold the power to direct, question, and reframe them. This isn’t about suppressing every negative thought—it’s about choosing where to focus your mental energy and what stories you let take root.
   • Why It Matters: Thoughts are the seeds of emotions and actions. If you dwell on fear or self-doubt, your world shrinks. If you cultivate hope or curiosity, it expands. You can’t stop every thought from arising, but you can decide which ones you entertain.
   • How You Control It: You can pause and ask, “Is this true?” or “Does this serve me?” You can shift perspective—turn “I’m failing” into “I’m learning.” Practices like mindfulness, journaling, or even a quick mental reset (deep breath, new focus) give you reins over your mind.
   • Example: Imagine you’re stuck in traffic. Your initial thought might be, “This is ruining my day.” But you can choose: “I’ll use this time to listen to something I love” or “This isn’t worth my peace.” The situation doesn’t change, but your experience does.
   • Challenge: The mind loves habits—old patterns like worry or judgment can feel sticky. Control comes with practice, not perfection.

2. What You Do or Don’t Do
   Your actions—or deliberate inaction—are the tangible expressions of your will. This is where thought meets the world. You can’t control outcomes, other people, or every circumstance, but you decide what steps you take (or choose not to take) in response to life’s unfolding.
   • Why It Matters: Actions shape your life’s direction. Small choices—like getting out of bed when you’re low or saying no to something draining—build your reality over time. Inaction, too, is a choice: not responding to a provocation can be as powerful as speaking up.
   • How You Control It: It starts with intention. Ask, “What aligns with who I want to be?” You can break big decisions into tiny steps—write one sentence instead of a book, walk for five minutes instead of an hour. Saying “not now” to distractions or obligations is also a flex of this power.
   • Example: You’re upset with a friend. You can’t control their words, but you can choose: call them to talk it out, take space to cool off, or do nothing and let it fester. Each choice is yours, and each builds a different path.
   • Challenge: Habits, fear, or procrastination can blur this control. Sometimes doing nothing feels easier, but even that’s a decision you can own.

3. How You React to Your Emotions
   Emotions come unbidden—anger flares, sadness washes over, joy bubbles up. You don’t choose what you feel, but you do choose how you meet those feelings. This is about response, not repression: letting emotions flow while steering how they shape your words, actions, or thoughts.
   • Why It Matters: Emotions are signals, not dictators. How you react determines whether they rule you or guide you. A flash of anger can spark a scream—or a deep breath and a boundary. Your reaction sets the tone for what comes next.
   • How You Control It: You can name the emotion (“I’m feeling overwhelmed”) to create space between it and your response. You can choose to sit with it, express it, or shift it—like crying when you’re sad instead of numbing out, or dancing when you’re happy instead of downplaying it. Tools like breathing, talking it out, or moving your body help you steer.
   • Example: You’re anxious before a big moment. You can’t stop the racing heart, but you can react by catastrophizing (“I’ll fail!”) or grounding yourself (“I’ll take it one step at a time”). The feeling’s the same; your response changes the ride.
   • Challenge: Emotions can feel overwhelming, especially when they’re intense or layered (anger hiding hurt, for instance). Control here is less about force and more about patience—letting the wave pass while you hold the rudder.

Tying It Together
These three elements—what you think, what you do or don’t do, and how you react to your emotions—interweave to form your sphere of influence. They’re not about controlling the uncontrollable (the weather, others’ choices, the past) but about claiming ownership of your inner and outer world. Together, they’re a quiet power: the mind sets the lens, the actions build the path, and the emotional response keeps you steady.
• Reflection: Where do you feel most in control right now? Where do you give it away?
• Practice: Try one small shift today—catch a thought, make (or skip) a move, or greet an emotion differently. Notice what changes.

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